I was reading a posting on Funeral Directors & Embalmers Facebook Group that a funeral director named David Finch from Inland Empire, CA wrote that he had taken a Cantor out to a nice lunch and it seemed very profitable for him. I was delighted to know that a funeral director was reaching out o the faith based community leadership. I hope that what I wrote back will be inspiring to others and encourage them to reach out to the clergy as well.
Here is what I wrote:
I did my doctoral dissertation on collegiality between funeral directors and clergy, the study is called Beyond The Funeral: Mutual Ministry Between Primary Thanostic Care Providers. Primary Thanostic Care Providers are clergy, funeral directors and cemeterians. Research shows that funeral directors are more likely to initiate a professional and / or social relationship with clergy than the other way around. Research also indicated that it’s very beneficial in establishing strong collegial (professional - social) relationships with the clergy.
Funeral Directors have a great deal of knowledge that can be of help and support to pastoral leadership. A very important study shows that in general clergy have only 5 clock hours (not academic course credit hours) of professional thanatological / death related education from the time they enter seminary until they retire from the pulpit. Additionally surveys show that over 43% of the pastor’s time is affected directly or indirectly with death related issues.
I conduct a 1 day local symposium most often hosted by funeral directors called Bridging The Pain Of Grief ~ Death Care Ministry Symposium which offers an opportunity for clergy, funeral directors and cemeterians to come together professionally for a day of continuing education and collegial support. I’m always amazed at the comments I receive. For many clergy and funeral directors who work together in serving the needs of the grieving for years (sometimes even for decades), they have never shared a single educational event together or really spent a day listening to the issues and concerns that both have. So much can be achieved by funeral directors and clergy by spending time together.
I watch the interactions between funeral directors and clergy at the symposiums I give and very often it is the funeral director who starts the conversations at the table particularly in the morning. It is also frequently the funeral director who will start the greeting and introduction even while in line for coffee or at the registration table. The clergy are really stressed out when they arrive at the event. Watching the body language is so interesting. By the end of the day there is a great deal of comfortable conversation going on and collegiality that has been developed.
To follow up on the statement about clergy death anxiety, another study shows that clergy have the second highest death anxiety rates of all professionals studied. The highest was a surgeon who had experienced the death of a patient on the operating table within last 72 hours. The surgeon’s fear was based on concern of litigation and powerlessness to save the person they were taking care of.
Clergy were excellent in the study at taking a paper and pen test and ranked in the lowest levels of death anxiety according to their cognitive answers. HOWEVER when they were given a sensate test that registers their blood pressure, skin moisture, heart rate, the eye’s pupil dilation and constriction to show the physiological reaction to words and picture related to death (a highly accurate way to test) clergy were almost off scale in anxiety.
It is believed that clergy are really great at taking tests and surveys since much of their early years are related to school and taking test taking. They have become masters at taking a test.
Many clergy have developed for themselves professionally theological or spiritual concepts and speeches they can easily share with the public that comply with their religious tradition or denominational tenants. Many have the traditional ‘elevator speech’ about death and their religious faith.
However, personally clergy have the same issues as everyone else when it comes to death but feel compelled to non-disclose their concerns for fear of appearing weak or unfaithful to their beliefs in front of their congregations or even to themselves. Other studies show that many clergy are no where near the death bed of a congregant for approximately the last 90 hours before death occurs. Most clergy will not touch the remains of the deceased. Some pastors who have been in ministry over 10 years have never touched the remains of a deceased person. It is speculated that many clergy prefer to pour sand on the casket instead of the possibility of touching the casket in some manner during the burial.
When one reflects on the religious traditions and funeral ritualization it is interesting to see how often some of the clergy can avoid physical nearness to death. Consider the fact that clergy walk in front of the casket (clergy does not have to look at the casket) to the burial location as just one example.
Sorry I hope I have not rambled on too much on the subject. Get a gal who’s both a pastoral thanatologist and an ordained minister charged up and often I don’t know when to step down off my soap box! J
Thank you Dave for taking the Cantor to lunch and for sharing your experience with us. You were very creative going Japanese with reference to the needs of being kosher. Very sensitive and respectful on your part. Would love for you to be on a panel along with the Cantor at one of my symposiums, it would be so interesting and insightful. Way to go!
Dr. Terrie Modesto
Chief Thanatologist
TEAR Center
http://www.tearcenter.com/
www.drterriemodeto.com.
http://deathdyingbereavementgr.blogspot.com/
Here is what I wrote:
I did my doctoral dissertation on collegiality between funeral directors and clergy, the study is called Beyond The Funeral: Mutual Ministry Between Primary Thanostic Care Providers. Primary Thanostic Care Providers are clergy, funeral directors and cemeterians. Research shows that funeral directors are more likely to initiate a professional and / or social relationship with clergy than the other way around. Research also indicated that it’s very beneficial in establishing strong collegial (professional - social) relationships with the clergy.
Funeral Directors have a great deal of knowledge that can be of help and support to pastoral leadership. A very important study shows that in general clergy have only 5 clock hours (not academic course credit hours) of professional thanatological / death related education from the time they enter seminary until they retire from the pulpit. Additionally surveys show that over 43% of the pastor’s time is affected directly or indirectly with death related issues.
I conduct a 1 day local symposium most often hosted by funeral directors called Bridging The Pain Of Grief ~ Death Care Ministry Symposium which offers an opportunity for clergy, funeral directors and cemeterians to come together professionally for a day of continuing education and collegial support. I’m always amazed at the comments I receive. For many clergy and funeral directors who work together in serving the needs of the grieving for years (sometimes even for decades), they have never shared a single educational event together or really spent a day listening to the issues and concerns that both have. So much can be achieved by funeral directors and clergy by spending time together.
I watch the interactions between funeral directors and clergy at the symposiums I give and very often it is the funeral director who starts the conversations at the table particularly in the morning. It is also frequently the funeral director who will start the greeting and introduction even while in line for coffee or at the registration table. The clergy are really stressed out when they arrive at the event. Watching the body language is so interesting. By the end of the day there is a great deal of comfortable conversation going on and collegiality that has been developed.
To follow up on the statement about clergy death anxiety, another study shows that clergy have the second highest death anxiety rates of all professionals studied. The highest was a surgeon who had experienced the death of a patient on the operating table within last 72 hours. The surgeon’s fear was based on concern of litigation and powerlessness to save the person they were taking care of.
Clergy were excellent in the study at taking a paper and pen test and ranked in the lowest levels of death anxiety according to their cognitive answers. HOWEVER when they were given a sensate test that registers their blood pressure, skin moisture, heart rate, the eye’s pupil dilation and constriction to show the physiological reaction to words and picture related to death (a highly accurate way to test) clergy were almost off scale in anxiety.
It is believed that clergy are really great at taking tests and surveys since much of their early years are related to school and taking test taking. They have become masters at taking a test.
Many clergy have developed for themselves professionally theological or spiritual concepts and speeches they can easily share with the public that comply with their religious tradition or denominational tenants. Many have the traditional ‘elevator speech’ about death and their religious faith.
However, personally clergy have the same issues as everyone else when it comes to death but feel compelled to non-disclose their concerns for fear of appearing weak or unfaithful to their beliefs in front of their congregations or even to themselves. Other studies show that many clergy are no where near the death bed of a congregant for approximately the last 90 hours before death occurs. Most clergy will not touch the remains of the deceased. Some pastors who have been in ministry over 10 years have never touched the remains of a deceased person. It is speculated that many clergy prefer to pour sand on the casket instead of the possibility of touching the casket in some manner during the burial.
When one reflects on the religious traditions and funeral ritualization it is interesting to see how often some of the clergy can avoid physical nearness to death. Consider the fact that clergy walk in front of the casket (clergy does not have to look at the casket) to the burial location as just one example.
Sorry I hope I have not rambled on too much on the subject. Get a gal who’s both a pastoral thanatologist and an ordained minister charged up and often I don’t know when to step down off my soap box! J
Thank you Dave for taking the Cantor to lunch and for sharing your experience with us. You were very creative going Japanese with reference to the needs of being kosher. Very sensitive and respectful on your part. Would love for you to be on a panel along with the Cantor at one of my symposiums, it would be so interesting and insightful. Way to go!
Dr. Terrie Modesto
Chief Thanatologist
TEAR Center
http://www.tearcenter.com/
www.drterriemodeto.com.
http://deathdyingbereavementgr.blogspot.com/
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