Why do some people hate Funeral Directors? It is a question that was recently asked of me. It is a very good question. There are so many components to this question. Here are just a few of the various components.
DEATH SCARES
To start to answer that question one needs to remember that death scares the inner core of many people. They react intensely to those that they attach that death phobic irrational fear to.
DEATH AS MYSTERY
I know that death is a mystery and what happens after the last breath is unknown. For some people outside of faith and the science of decomposition it can be a very disturbing thought.
DEATH & SURVUVAL
For some folks they have come to understand it for themselves and that’s great. For others the fear is so intense because they associate it with survival. It is like the moth being attracted to the flame sort of thing with some folks.
FEAR OF DYING – DEAR OF DEATH
o People are so afraid of dying and the process of dying that they also attach it to the issue of death as well.. – thus they become afraid of both. Two very different experiences but individuals who are afraid tend to lump it into one big emotional ball. Death and dying is one thing to them and it is all about fear.
THE UNKNOWN IS UNSETTLING
o The unknown is terrifying for some. These individuals have not even looked at nor broken down the myths they have heard or pictures they have seen of dying and death. Few ever develop their own ideas on the subject. One needs to remember that any part of the topic of death scares some to the point of attaching death phobic irrational fear not only the experience of dying and death but also to those who are professionals in that arena of service.
FEAR & HATE
So how does all this relate to the dislike or downright hostility to funeral directors?
There are individuals that are resentful of those that have a professional career in the death industry. Those that have a distain for the funeral profession also want their loved ones AND THEMSELVES taken care of when they die or are dying BUT there is also resentment that someone is making a living from that service.
In some ways it goes back to the strife and divide that occurred between funeral directors and clergy centuries ago and lingers on today. Some of the clergy even today get disgruntled at funeral directors for having a comfortable life from dealing with the death issue while many of the clergy are known to make rather modest or limited incomes.
The Funeral Director is looked upon as the under-takers - the death labors who enter into and associate with the dirty disease and death side of death while getting compensated. The clergy are on the other hand not getting the economic compensation enjoyed by the funeral director BUT are getting the emotional accolades and affirmation of being close to God and the heaven connection. Both are seen as being very powerful groups of professionals. There has been and continues to be a major strife in some sectors between these two MAJOR primary thanostic care providers for many centuries.
I do whole lectures, symposiums and workshops on this topic and in fact did my entire dissertation and research study on this subject. For many who are having a love-hate issue with funeral directors it is because of the issue that the funeral director has a way to create the image that the dead look like they are still alive by embalming, makeup etc. On a subconscious level some people see funeral directors as having a power over death - death that they are terrified beyond all measure to deal with.
To top it off, the funeral director has beautiful surroundings of crisp, clean, lovely clothing, well presented appearance, fancy cars and limos, and a beautiful funeral home. They also contrast that with the fear of death and the negative associations with death. The emotions intensify on a large scale. For many with conflicted emotions, they want a notable profession addressing issues of mourning and bereavement. They also want their dead loved ones to live again and they see the funeral director has the power of both.
So this mix-master of images, emotions, thanostic economics, thanostic mythology and the pain of loss and grief when a loved one dies becomes a hostile stew for some people. There will be those that will never unpack the stew. It’s a profession of love and hate.
Hope this helps. This is a VERY complex topic to put it mildly.
DEATH SCARES
To start to answer that question one needs to remember that death scares the inner core of many people. They react intensely to those that they attach that death phobic irrational fear to.
DEATH AS MYSTERY
I know that death is a mystery and what happens after the last breath is unknown. For some people outside of faith and the science of decomposition it can be a very disturbing thought.
DEATH & SURVUVAL
For some folks they have come to understand it for themselves and that’s great. For others the fear is so intense because they associate it with survival. It is like the moth being attracted to the flame sort of thing with some folks.
FEAR OF DYING – DEAR OF DEATH
o People are so afraid of dying and the process of dying that they also attach it to the issue of death as well.. – thus they become afraid of both. Two very different experiences but individuals who are afraid tend to lump it into one big emotional ball. Death and dying is one thing to them and it is all about fear.
THE UNKNOWN IS UNSETTLING
o The unknown is terrifying for some. These individuals have not even looked at nor broken down the myths they have heard or pictures they have seen of dying and death. Few ever develop their own ideas on the subject. One needs to remember that any part of the topic of death scares some to the point of attaching death phobic irrational fear not only the experience of dying and death but also to those who are professionals in that arena of service.
FEAR & HATE
So how does all this relate to the dislike or downright hostility to funeral directors?
There are individuals that are resentful of those that have a professional career in the death industry. Those that have a distain for the funeral profession also want their loved ones AND THEMSELVES taken care of when they die or are dying BUT there is also resentment that someone is making a living from that service.
In some ways it goes back to the strife and divide that occurred between funeral directors and clergy centuries ago and lingers on today. Some of the clergy even today get disgruntled at funeral directors for having a comfortable life from dealing with the death issue while many of the clergy are known to make rather modest or limited incomes.
The Funeral Director is looked upon as the under-takers - the death labors who enter into and associate with the dirty disease and death side of death while getting compensated. The clergy are on the other hand not getting the economic compensation enjoyed by the funeral director BUT are getting the emotional accolades and affirmation of being close to God and the heaven connection. Both are seen as being very powerful groups of professionals. There has been and continues to be a major strife in some sectors between these two MAJOR primary thanostic care providers for many centuries.
I do whole lectures, symposiums and workshops on this topic and in fact did my entire dissertation and research study on this subject. For many who are having a love-hate issue with funeral directors it is because of the issue that the funeral director has a way to create the image that the dead look like they are still alive by embalming, makeup etc. On a subconscious level some people see funeral directors as having a power over death - death that they are terrified beyond all measure to deal with.
To top it off, the funeral director has beautiful surroundings of crisp, clean, lovely clothing, well presented appearance, fancy cars and limos, and a beautiful funeral home. They also contrast that with the fear of death and the negative associations with death. The emotions intensify on a large scale. For many with conflicted emotions, they want a notable profession addressing issues of mourning and bereavement. They also want their dead loved ones to live again and they see the funeral director has the power of both.
So this mix-master of images, emotions, thanostic economics, thanostic mythology and the pain of loss and grief when a loved one dies becomes a hostile stew for some people. There will be those that will never unpack the stew. It’s a profession of love and hate.
Hope this helps. This is a VERY complex topic to put it mildly.
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