Death Baseball and Hope

Play Ball - Live Life!

Most of us who read this small blog are facing challenging times or know someone personally that is. It’s all around us. In many ways there are all kinds of death scenes everyday. --Hardship everywhere.

Yet in death and dying experiences as well as in living experiences it does not have to be the end of the story. It can be a new beginning.

I just read a story about a guy named Fred Everhard and how he changed a death experience of a baseball field into a renewing of hearts and lives in the midst of the worse economic times for a community.

It’s a small town of just 5000. Yet it can be a motivation for us all. Yes all of us.. Those who are grieving the death of a loved one to those who are struggling big time with financial debt and problems.

For those that are grieving, the pain of loss and loneliness is tremendous after that special person has died. We can feel emotionally, spiritually and socially bankrupted – perhaps even spiritually depleted. That is understandable. In grief there is a process of tasks and experiences that one must go through in the life long grief recovering process. In the beginning it feels like it will never end and there is no hope.

There is HOPE, there is a bright future if you really want one. Your loved ones, yes even those who have died, love you so much that they would also want you to have hope also.

For those who are experiencing the various losses due to economic struggle don’t give up hope. The only time you are REALLY bankrupt is when you give up hope and love.

So I’m enclosing this remarkable story as a hope and prayer for all of us. May we apply the spirit and determination to work for our dreams. These dreams and goals may come face to face with difficulties at first and few if anyone there to support the dreams. No matter – hold on to them. Keep them going at all cost.

YOU CAN DO IT! You are doing it by having the dream in the first place. It will grow and in its perfect time will flourish. Trust and it will come to reality at the most perfect of moments – the moment it is meant to be in and shared.

It is not until the umpire yells “Play Ball” that the game beings. It is when we in all our determination we cry out “Live Life!” that we are in the game and winning the greatest home run of all -- Fullness of Life and the achievement of our dreams and goals.

Dr. Terrie Modesto
Thanatologist
http://www.drterriemodesto.com/
http://www.tearcenter.com/

Not Just Another Town

Fred Everhart read the mail and felt sick. What would the kids do? Fred, head of the recreation commission, experienced what many American towns and committees felt - loss of funds.

Greenfield, Ohio, population 5000, just another town reliant on the auto industry. Five hundred jobs (70% of the town's industrial employment) would be gone by October 2009. In Willington, the nearest town, DHL Express announced it was pulling out, leaving another 8,000 employees without work. Due to the economic downturn, Greenfield lost fifty percent of the money budgeted to run the city.

The economy didn't factor in people like Fred Everhart. In January, 2009, Fred called a meeting. Twenty-five to thirty angry parents showed up. The anger and frustration prevented productivity. The parents understood their own hardship, but how could a city face the same?

Fred, not to be beaten, called a second meeting. Nine people attended - The Gang of Nine. Together, they convinced the town to give them $5,000.00 of the $20,000.00 budgeted for little league baseball.

Greenfield had only one ballpark, which it could no longer afford to maintain. The "Gang of Nine" convinced the city to give the park to them. Fred posted an advertisement in the local paper a few weeks before opening day - Memorial Day - volunteers needed.

On that Saturday morning, Fred arrived at 9 A.M. Only two others waited. They looked out over the field. A small breeze picked up a piece of paper and sent it tumbling over the barren field. The grass was uncut. Holes surrounded the bases, dug into the dirt by last season's players. Water rimmed home plate.

Fred looked at his two companions, "Looks like it's just us." He surveyed the field. "Where's the flag?" He frowned, "For that matter, where's the flag pole?"

"It blew down five years ago." One of his companions said. "They couldn't afford to replace it."

"No matter," Fred said, "Let's get to work."

They pulled their mowers, shovels, and rakes from their trucks and began to work. At 9:30 A.M. another truck pulled into the parking lot. Behind it, trailing dust, were more cars and trucks. They soon had fifty to sixty men, women and children working. The small army mowed the grass, painted dugouts, patched the fields and mended fences.

A local newspaper picked up their efforts and printed a story. The "Gang of Nine's" efforts symbolized the strength of community and was picked up by national media. Fred was overwhelmed with emails, letters, and donations from around the country. They came from Hawaii to Vermont. One lady called from Illinois. She'd lived through the depression and knew what it was like to go without. She didn't want the kids to do the same. A few days later, Fred received a check for $500.00 from her.

Baseballs arrived. Twenty-four dozen came in one delivery from New Orleans. Donations of equipment arrived from individuals and little leagues in Pennsylvania and Illinois.

The league was featured on "Good Morning America". They received more equipment from the major baseball leagues, and the Cincinnati Reds invited the entire Greenfield league to see a game at "Great American Ballpark" in Cincinnati.

Fred wasn't done. He spoke to members of the "Concerned Veterans of Greenfield". Their bylaws prohibited them donating money, but they donated a flagpole and a flag.

Fred spoke to a stone mason, Jay Hardy, owner of Hardy Memorials. Fred wanted to do something in return to the veterans. Jay agreed to donate his work to those who fought then and now. Fred expected a small plaque, but one morning, Jay pulled into the parking lot with a section of marble three feet, by two feet, by two inches. The flagpole and monument where mounted in cement.

The league made concessions: only one new baseball per game; the scoreboard and lights remained dark; and restrooms were locked, replaced with portable toilets.

Four hundred and fifty children, ages five through sixteen, signed up to complete forty-seven teams. On opening day, Fred and his gang surveyed the field once again. Fred remembers one thing - sounds. He listened to the laughter of children, the crack of bats against balls, and above it all, the snapping of the flag blowing in the wind.

A call for silence - the national anthem played and the plaque was dedicated to the veterans.

"Play ball!" The umpire yelled.

The season was on.

On July 3, 2009, the last game was played. The last ball was struck. The last game of the season came to an end. The players, parents, coaches, and umpires left the field. The last breath of wind rolled a hotdog wrapper over the infield. The sun dropped below the horizon. The light of day faded. The stars and stripes gave a final wave in the dying wind. It hung limp against the pole - vigilant - waiting for another season. One could imagine the sound of a bugler playing, signaling the end of the day, the end of a season.

The economy caused problems around the globe, but in Greenfield, it was beaten - Greenfield, not just another town.

Michael T. Smith
Michael Smith has authored hundreds of great stories. To read more of his stories, go to: http://ourecho.com/biography-353-Michael-Timothy-Smith.shtml#stories To sign up for his stories go to: http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?m=1101828445578&p=oi

I originally read this story at Insight Of Today by Bob Proctor
insightoftheday.com

Pastors Funeral Directors and Cemeterians Together ...OH MY!

I was reading a posting on Funeral Directors & Embalmers Facebook Group that a funeral director named David Finch from Inland Empire, CA wrote that he had taken a Cantor out to a nice lunch and it seemed very profitable for him. I was delighted to know that a funeral director was reaching out o the faith based community leadership. I hope that what I wrote back will be inspiring to others and encourage them to reach out to the clergy as well.

Here is what I wrote:

I did my doctoral dissertation on collegiality between funeral directors and clergy, the study is called Beyond The Funeral: Mutual Ministry Between Primary Thanostic Care Providers. Primary Thanostic Care Providers are clergy, funeral directors and cemeterians. Research shows that funeral directors are more likely to initiate a professional and / or social relationship with clergy than the other way around. Research also indicated that it’s very beneficial in establishing strong collegial (professional - social) relationships with the clergy.

Funeral Directors have a great deal of knowledge that can be of help and support to pastoral leadership. A very important study shows that in general clergy have only 5 clock hours (not academic course credit hours) of professional thanatological / death related education from the time they enter seminary until they retire from the pulpit. Additionally surveys show that over 43% of the pastor’s time is affected directly or indirectly with death related issues.

I conduct a 1 day local symposium most often hosted by funeral directors called Bridging The Pain Of Grief ~ Death Care Ministry Symposium which offers an opportunity for clergy, funeral directors and cemeterians to come together professionally for a day of continuing education and collegial support. I’m always amazed at the comments I receive. For many clergy and funeral directors who work together in serving the needs of the grieving for years (sometimes even for decades), they have never shared a single educational event together or really spent a day listening to the issues and concerns that both have. So much can be achieved by funeral directors and clergy by spending time together.

I watch the interactions between funeral directors and clergy at the symposiums I give and very often it is the funeral director who starts the conversations at the table particularly in the morning. It is also frequently the funeral director who will start the greeting and introduction even while in line for coffee or at the registration table. The clergy are really stressed out when they arrive at the event. Watching the body language is so interesting. By the end of the day there is a great deal of comfortable conversation going on and collegiality that has been developed.

To follow up on the statement about clergy death anxiety, another study shows that clergy have the second highest death anxiety rates of all professionals studied. The highest was a surgeon who had experienced the death of a patient on the operating table within last 72 hours. The surgeon’s fear was based on concern of litigation and powerlessness to save the person they were taking care of.

Clergy were excellent in the study at taking a paper and pen test and ranked in the lowest levels of death anxiety according to their cognitive answers. HOWEVER when they were given a sensate test that registers their blood pressure, skin moisture, heart rate, the eye’s pupil dilation and constriction to show the physiological reaction to words and picture related to death (a highly accurate way to test) clergy were almost off scale in anxiety.

It is believed that clergy are really great at taking tests and surveys since much of their early years are related to school and taking test taking. They have become masters at taking a test.

Many clergy have developed for themselves professionally theological or spiritual concepts and speeches they can easily share with the public that comply with their religious tradition or denominational tenants. Many have the traditional ‘elevator speech’ about death and their religious faith.

However, personally clergy have the same issues as everyone else when it comes to death but feel compelled to non-disclose their concerns for fear of appearing weak or unfaithful to their beliefs in front of their congregations or even to themselves. Other studies show that many clergy are no where near the death bed of a congregant for approximately the last 90 hours before death occurs. Most clergy will not touch the remains of the deceased. Some pastors who have been in ministry over 10 years have never touched the remains of a deceased person. It is speculated that many clergy prefer to pour sand on the casket instead of the possibility of touching the casket in some manner during the burial.

When one reflects on the religious traditions and funeral ritualization it is interesting to see how often some of the clergy can avoid physical nearness to death. Consider the fact that clergy walk in front of the casket (clergy does not have to look at the casket) to the burial location as just one example.

Sorry I hope I have not rambled on too much on the subject. Get a gal who’s both a pastoral thanatologist and an ordained minister charged up and often I don’t know when to step down off my soap box! J

Thank you Dave for taking the Cantor to lunch and for sharing your experience with us. You were very creative going Japanese with reference to the needs of being kosher. Very sensitive and respectful on your part. Would love for you to be on a panel along with the Cantor at one of my symposiums, it would be so interesting and insightful. Way to go!

Dr. Terrie Modesto
Chief Thanatologist
TEAR Center
http://www.tearcenter.com/
www.drterriemodeto.com.
http://deathdyingbereavementgr.blogspot.com/

Swine Flu- Community Outreach and the Funeral Director

My father died of bulbar polio in the epidemic in Boston in 1959. He was the last one to die of the dreaded disease in an iron-lung machine. I remember the large dome glass device placed over my dad’s casket. I was only 3 years old when he died. I don’t remember much about the funeral but I do remember that.

As a Critical Incident Thanatologist I know the impact a pandemic can heave on a community. It is so important to be mindful of safety practices that will not only protect you but your loved ones as well. As part of the health related profession we also need to be mindful of the elderly especially during a medical crisis such as swine flu.

With flu season just around the bend for North America, I’m wondering what sort of community outreach funeral homes are doing to help promote healthy living especially for the most risky of community members such as elderly, children and those with auto-immune disease.

I teach a number of courses on critical incident thanatology and prevention outreach is one of the two most important components in helping to reduce the risk of influenza infection. The other preventative precaution is washing your hands frequently.

I’d like to suggest to funeral homes and funeral directors that you consider having a flu shot event at your funeral home. Contact all the families you have served for the past 3 or even 5 years and invite them and the community at large to a flu shot and health fair screening where you serve some cookies and punch / coffee / tea as they wait their turn for their flu shot and hand out information cards that gives instruction on how to deal with seasonal and swine flu protection.

If you are interested I have authored a children’s activity and coloring book on influenza instruction that you could pass out to children as they wait for their flu shot. It’s very inexpensive and you can download the program and print copies from your computer.

I also have a half day family health awareness day program that helps families and the community at large prepare for medical emergencies such as an influenza pandemic. If you are interested please contact me at the TEAR Center (www.tearcenter.com) and we can discuss you offering one in your local community. You can either take the online distant learning training program and conduct the event yourself or you can arrange for the TEAR Center to offer it on your behalf at your funeral home location as well as offer a symposium on community outreach and the funeral director. I encourage everyone to ‘think outside the casket’ in serving the communities you live in.

The more places we can establish for people to get their influenza shots this fall the better. Your health department can help you with the dispensing of the flu shots. It should cost you very little (printing cost for flyers, info handout sheets for those on a very strict budget). Since the health department and health insurance companies (including Medicare in the US) cover much of the expense for the vaccination you would not be having to help offset the cost of the shots.

Since it is a community event that you do not economically profit directly from this event you could also ask to get a Pubic Service Announcement (PSA) made on the radio and TV. This provides a wellness opportunity for the public as well as great PR for your funeral home. Media coverage is expensive and this would be free for you.

Having a flu shot event can help many a family and also help you with a community outreach program. It’s unique to think that a funeral home is trying to prevent deaths and life threatening illnesses and encourage healthy living. The local media and even possibly the national media might very well be interested in covering this sort of event.

I know what its like to live my entire life not knowing my father because he received the polio vaccine incorrectly while in the Navy on ship. Please do all you can so other kids won’t have to grow up without a loved one due to not getting a vaccine that can help battle a pandemic.

Thank you!

Dr. Terrie Modesto

Chief Thanatologist

TEAR Center

http://www.tearcenter.com/

http://www.drterriemodeto.com/.

http://deathdyingbereavementgr.blogspot.com/