Death Baseball and Hope

Play Ball - Live Life!

Most of us who read this small blog are facing challenging times or know someone personally that is. It’s all around us. In many ways there are all kinds of death scenes everyday. --Hardship everywhere.

Yet in death and dying experiences as well as in living experiences it does not have to be the end of the story. It can be a new beginning.

I just read a story about a guy named Fred Everhard and how he changed a death experience of a baseball field into a renewing of hearts and lives in the midst of the worse economic times for a community.

It’s a small town of just 5000. Yet it can be a motivation for us all. Yes all of us.. Those who are grieving the death of a loved one to those who are struggling big time with financial debt and problems.

For those that are grieving, the pain of loss and loneliness is tremendous after that special person has died. We can feel emotionally, spiritually and socially bankrupted – perhaps even spiritually depleted. That is understandable. In grief there is a process of tasks and experiences that one must go through in the life long grief recovering process. In the beginning it feels like it will never end and there is no hope.

There is HOPE, there is a bright future if you really want one. Your loved ones, yes even those who have died, love you so much that they would also want you to have hope also.

For those who are experiencing the various losses due to economic struggle don’t give up hope. The only time you are REALLY bankrupt is when you give up hope and love.

So I’m enclosing this remarkable story as a hope and prayer for all of us. May we apply the spirit and determination to work for our dreams. These dreams and goals may come face to face with difficulties at first and few if anyone there to support the dreams. No matter – hold on to them. Keep them going at all cost.

YOU CAN DO IT! You are doing it by having the dream in the first place. It will grow and in its perfect time will flourish. Trust and it will come to reality at the most perfect of moments – the moment it is meant to be in and shared.

It is not until the umpire yells “Play Ball” that the game beings. It is when we in all our determination we cry out “Live Life!” that we are in the game and winning the greatest home run of all -- Fullness of Life and the achievement of our dreams and goals.

Dr. Terrie Modesto
Thanatologist
http://www.drterriemodesto.com/
http://www.tearcenter.com/

Not Just Another Town

Fred Everhart read the mail and felt sick. What would the kids do? Fred, head of the recreation commission, experienced what many American towns and committees felt - loss of funds.

Greenfield, Ohio, population 5000, just another town reliant on the auto industry. Five hundred jobs (70% of the town's industrial employment) would be gone by October 2009. In Willington, the nearest town, DHL Express announced it was pulling out, leaving another 8,000 employees without work. Due to the economic downturn, Greenfield lost fifty percent of the money budgeted to run the city.

The economy didn't factor in people like Fred Everhart. In January, 2009, Fred called a meeting. Twenty-five to thirty angry parents showed up. The anger and frustration prevented productivity. The parents understood their own hardship, but how could a city face the same?

Fred, not to be beaten, called a second meeting. Nine people attended - The Gang of Nine. Together, they convinced the town to give them $5,000.00 of the $20,000.00 budgeted for little league baseball.

Greenfield had only one ballpark, which it could no longer afford to maintain. The "Gang of Nine" convinced the city to give the park to them. Fred posted an advertisement in the local paper a few weeks before opening day - Memorial Day - volunteers needed.

On that Saturday morning, Fred arrived at 9 A.M. Only two others waited. They looked out over the field. A small breeze picked up a piece of paper and sent it tumbling over the barren field. The grass was uncut. Holes surrounded the bases, dug into the dirt by last season's players. Water rimmed home plate.

Fred looked at his two companions, "Looks like it's just us." He surveyed the field. "Where's the flag?" He frowned, "For that matter, where's the flag pole?"

"It blew down five years ago." One of his companions said. "They couldn't afford to replace it."

"No matter," Fred said, "Let's get to work."

They pulled their mowers, shovels, and rakes from their trucks and began to work. At 9:30 A.M. another truck pulled into the parking lot. Behind it, trailing dust, were more cars and trucks. They soon had fifty to sixty men, women and children working. The small army mowed the grass, painted dugouts, patched the fields and mended fences.

A local newspaper picked up their efforts and printed a story. The "Gang of Nine's" efforts symbolized the strength of community and was picked up by national media. Fred was overwhelmed with emails, letters, and donations from around the country. They came from Hawaii to Vermont. One lady called from Illinois. She'd lived through the depression and knew what it was like to go without. She didn't want the kids to do the same. A few days later, Fred received a check for $500.00 from her.

Baseballs arrived. Twenty-four dozen came in one delivery from New Orleans. Donations of equipment arrived from individuals and little leagues in Pennsylvania and Illinois.

The league was featured on "Good Morning America". They received more equipment from the major baseball leagues, and the Cincinnati Reds invited the entire Greenfield league to see a game at "Great American Ballpark" in Cincinnati.

Fred wasn't done. He spoke to members of the "Concerned Veterans of Greenfield". Their bylaws prohibited them donating money, but they donated a flagpole and a flag.

Fred spoke to a stone mason, Jay Hardy, owner of Hardy Memorials. Fred wanted to do something in return to the veterans. Jay agreed to donate his work to those who fought then and now. Fred expected a small plaque, but one morning, Jay pulled into the parking lot with a section of marble three feet, by two feet, by two inches. The flagpole and monument where mounted in cement.

The league made concessions: only one new baseball per game; the scoreboard and lights remained dark; and restrooms were locked, replaced with portable toilets.

Four hundred and fifty children, ages five through sixteen, signed up to complete forty-seven teams. On opening day, Fred and his gang surveyed the field once again. Fred remembers one thing - sounds. He listened to the laughter of children, the crack of bats against balls, and above it all, the snapping of the flag blowing in the wind.

A call for silence - the national anthem played and the plaque was dedicated to the veterans.

"Play ball!" The umpire yelled.

The season was on.

On July 3, 2009, the last game was played. The last ball was struck. The last game of the season came to an end. The players, parents, coaches, and umpires left the field. The last breath of wind rolled a hotdog wrapper over the infield. The sun dropped below the horizon. The light of day faded. The stars and stripes gave a final wave in the dying wind. It hung limp against the pole - vigilant - waiting for another season. One could imagine the sound of a bugler playing, signaling the end of the day, the end of a season.

The economy caused problems around the globe, but in Greenfield, it was beaten - Greenfield, not just another town.

Michael T. Smith
Michael Smith has authored hundreds of great stories. To read more of his stories, go to: http://ourecho.com/biography-353-Michael-Timothy-Smith.shtml#stories To sign up for his stories go to: http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?m=1101828445578&p=oi

I originally read this story at Insight Of Today by Bob Proctor
insightoftheday.com

Pastors Funeral Directors and Cemeterians Together ...OH MY!

I was reading a posting on Funeral Directors & Embalmers Facebook Group that a funeral director named David Finch from Inland Empire, CA wrote that he had taken a Cantor out to a nice lunch and it seemed very profitable for him. I was delighted to know that a funeral director was reaching out o the faith based community leadership. I hope that what I wrote back will be inspiring to others and encourage them to reach out to the clergy as well.

Here is what I wrote:

I did my doctoral dissertation on collegiality between funeral directors and clergy, the study is called Beyond The Funeral: Mutual Ministry Between Primary Thanostic Care Providers. Primary Thanostic Care Providers are clergy, funeral directors and cemeterians. Research shows that funeral directors are more likely to initiate a professional and / or social relationship with clergy than the other way around. Research also indicated that it’s very beneficial in establishing strong collegial (professional - social) relationships with the clergy.

Funeral Directors have a great deal of knowledge that can be of help and support to pastoral leadership. A very important study shows that in general clergy have only 5 clock hours (not academic course credit hours) of professional thanatological / death related education from the time they enter seminary until they retire from the pulpit. Additionally surveys show that over 43% of the pastor’s time is affected directly or indirectly with death related issues.

I conduct a 1 day local symposium most often hosted by funeral directors called Bridging The Pain Of Grief ~ Death Care Ministry Symposium which offers an opportunity for clergy, funeral directors and cemeterians to come together professionally for a day of continuing education and collegial support. I’m always amazed at the comments I receive. For many clergy and funeral directors who work together in serving the needs of the grieving for years (sometimes even for decades), they have never shared a single educational event together or really spent a day listening to the issues and concerns that both have. So much can be achieved by funeral directors and clergy by spending time together.

I watch the interactions between funeral directors and clergy at the symposiums I give and very often it is the funeral director who starts the conversations at the table particularly in the morning. It is also frequently the funeral director who will start the greeting and introduction even while in line for coffee or at the registration table. The clergy are really stressed out when they arrive at the event. Watching the body language is so interesting. By the end of the day there is a great deal of comfortable conversation going on and collegiality that has been developed.

To follow up on the statement about clergy death anxiety, another study shows that clergy have the second highest death anxiety rates of all professionals studied. The highest was a surgeon who had experienced the death of a patient on the operating table within last 72 hours. The surgeon’s fear was based on concern of litigation and powerlessness to save the person they were taking care of.

Clergy were excellent in the study at taking a paper and pen test and ranked in the lowest levels of death anxiety according to their cognitive answers. HOWEVER when they were given a sensate test that registers their blood pressure, skin moisture, heart rate, the eye’s pupil dilation and constriction to show the physiological reaction to words and picture related to death (a highly accurate way to test) clergy were almost off scale in anxiety.

It is believed that clergy are really great at taking tests and surveys since much of their early years are related to school and taking test taking. They have become masters at taking a test.

Many clergy have developed for themselves professionally theological or spiritual concepts and speeches they can easily share with the public that comply with their religious tradition or denominational tenants. Many have the traditional ‘elevator speech’ about death and their religious faith.

However, personally clergy have the same issues as everyone else when it comes to death but feel compelled to non-disclose their concerns for fear of appearing weak or unfaithful to their beliefs in front of their congregations or even to themselves. Other studies show that many clergy are no where near the death bed of a congregant for approximately the last 90 hours before death occurs. Most clergy will not touch the remains of the deceased. Some pastors who have been in ministry over 10 years have never touched the remains of a deceased person. It is speculated that many clergy prefer to pour sand on the casket instead of the possibility of touching the casket in some manner during the burial.

When one reflects on the religious traditions and funeral ritualization it is interesting to see how often some of the clergy can avoid physical nearness to death. Consider the fact that clergy walk in front of the casket (clergy does not have to look at the casket) to the burial location as just one example.

Sorry I hope I have not rambled on too much on the subject. Get a gal who’s both a pastoral thanatologist and an ordained minister charged up and often I don’t know when to step down off my soap box! J

Thank you Dave for taking the Cantor to lunch and for sharing your experience with us. You were very creative going Japanese with reference to the needs of being kosher. Very sensitive and respectful on your part. Would love for you to be on a panel along with the Cantor at one of my symposiums, it would be so interesting and insightful. Way to go!

Dr. Terrie Modesto
Chief Thanatologist
TEAR Center
http://www.tearcenter.com/
www.drterriemodeto.com.
http://deathdyingbereavementgr.blogspot.com/

Swine Flu- Community Outreach and the Funeral Director

My father died of bulbar polio in the epidemic in Boston in 1959. He was the last one to die of the dreaded disease in an iron-lung machine. I remember the large dome glass device placed over my dad’s casket. I was only 3 years old when he died. I don’t remember much about the funeral but I do remember that.

As a Critical Incident Thanatologist I know the impact a pandemic can heave on a community. It is so important to be mindful of safety practices that will not only protect you but your loved ones as well. As part of the health related profession we also need to be mindful of the elderly especially during a medical crisis such as swine flu.

With flu season just around the bend for North America, I’m wondering what sort of community outreach funeral homes are doing to help promote healthy living especially for the most risky of community members such as elderly, children and those with auto-immune disease.

I teach a number of courses on critical incident thanatology and prevention outreach is one of the two most important components in helping to reduce the risk of influenza infection. The other preventative precaution is washing your hands frequently.

I’d like to suggest to funeral homes and funeral directors that you consider having a flu shot event at your funeral home. Contact all the families you have served for the past 3 or even 5 years and invite them and the community at large to a flu shot and health fair screening where you serve some cookies and punch / coffee / tea as they wait their turn for their flu shot and hand out information cards that gives instruction on how to deal with seasonal and swine flu protection.

If you are interested I have authored a children’s activity and coloring book on influenza instruction that you could pass out to children as they wait for their flu shot. It’s very inexpensive and you can download the program and print copies from your computer.

I also have a half day family health awareness day program that helps families and the community at large prepare for medical emergencies such as an influenza pandemic. If you are interested please contact me at the TEAR Center (www.tearcenter.com) and we can discuss you offering one in your local community. You can either take the online distant learning training program and conduct the event yourself or you can arrange for the TEAR Center to offer it on your behalf at your funeral home location as well as offer a symposium on community outreach and the funeral director. I encourage everyone to ‘think outside the casket’ in serving the communities you live in.

The more places we can establish for people to get their influenza shots this fall the better. Your health department can help you with the dispensing of the flu shots. It should cost you very little (printing cost for flyers, info handout sheets for those on a very strict budget). Since the health department and health insurance companies (including Medicare in the US) cover much of the expense for the vaccination you would not be having to help offset the cost of the shots.

Since it is a community event that you do not economically profit directly from this event you could also ask to get a Pubic Service Announcement (PSA) made on the radio and TV. This provides a wellness opportunity for the public as well as great PR for your funeral home. Media coverage is expensive and this would be free for you.

Having a flu shot event can help many a family and also help you with a community outreach program. It’s unique to think that a funeral home is trying to prevent deaths and life threatening illnesses and encourage healthy living. The local media and even possibly the national media might very well be interested in covering this sort of event.

I know what its like to live my entire life not knowing my father because he received the polio vaccine incorrectly while in the Navy on ship. Please do all you can so other kids won’t have to grow up without a loved one due to not getting a vaccine that can help battle a pandemic.

Thank you!

Dr. Terrie Modesto

Chief Thanatologist

TEAR Center

http://www.tearcenter.com/

http://www.drterriemodeto.com/.

http://deathdyingbereavementgr.blogspot.com/

How come some people hate funeral directors?

Why do some people hate Funeral Directors? It is a question that was recently asked of me. It is a very good question. There are so many components to this question. Here are just a few of the various components.

DEATH SCARES

To start to answer that question one needs to remember that death scares the inner core of many people. They react intensely to those that they attach that death phobic irrational fear to.
DEATH AS MYSTERY

I know that death is a mystery and what happens after the last breath is unknown. For some people outside of faith and the science of decomposition it can be a very disturbing thought.

DEATH & SURVUVAL

For some folks they have come to understand it for themselves and that’s great. For others the fear is so intense because they associate it with survival. It is like the moth being attracted to the flame sort of thing with some folks.

FEAR OF DYING – DEAR OF DEATH

o People are so afraid of dying and the process of dying that they also attach it to the issue of death as well.. – thus they become afraid of both. Two very different experiences but individuals who are afraid tend to lump it into one big emotional ball. Death and dying is one thing to them and it is all about fear.

THE UNKNOWN IS UNSETTLING

o The unknown is terrifying for some. These individuals have not even looked at nor broken down the myths they have heard or pictures they have seen of dying and death. Few ever develop their own ideas on the subject. One needs to remember that any part of the topic of death scares some to the point of attaching death phobic irrational fear not only the experience of dying and death but also to those who are professionals in that arena of service.
FEAR & HATE

So how does all this relate to the dislike or downright hostility to funeral directors?

There are individuals that are resentful of those that have a professional career in the death industry. Those that have a distain for the funeral profession also want their loved ones AND THEMSELVES taken care of when they die or are dying BUT there is also resentment that someone is making a living from that service.

In some ways it goes back to the strife and divide that occurred between funeral directors and clergy centuries ago and lingers on today. Some of the clergy even today get disgruntled at funeral directors for having a comfortable life from dealing with the death issue while many of the clergy are known to make rather modest or limited incomes.

The Funeral Director is looked upon as the under-takers - the death labors who enter into and associate with the dirty disease and death side of death while getting compensated. The clergy are on the other hand not getting the economic compensation enjoyed by the funeral director BUT are getting the emotional accolades and affirmation of being close to God and the heaven connection. Both are seen as being very powerful groups of professionals. There has been and continues to be a major strife in some sectors between these two MAJOR primary thanostic care providers for many centuries.

I do whole lectures, symposiums and workshops on this topic and in fact did my entire dissertation and research study on this subject. For many who are having a love-hate issue with funeral directors it is because of the issue that the funeral director has a way to create the image that the dead look like they are still alive by embalming, makeup etc. On a subconscious level some people see funeral directors as having a power over death - death that they are terrified beyond all measure to deal with.

To top it off, the funeral director has beautiful surroundings of crisp, clean, lovely clothing, well presented appearance, fancy cars and limos, and a beautiful funeral home. They also contrast that with the fear of death and the negative associations with death. The emotions intensify on a large scale. For many with conflicted emotions, they want a notable profession addressing issues of mourning and bereavement. They also want their dead loved ones to live again and they see the funeral director has the power of both.

So this mix-master of images, emotions, thanostic economics, thanostic mythology and the pain of loss and grief when a loved one dies becomes a hostile stew for some people. There will be those that will never unpack the stew. It’s a profession of love and hate.

Hope this helps. This is a VERY complex topic to put it mildly.

What does YOUR Funeral Home Sign Say?

Funeral Home signage has historically and still is an import thanostic (death related) educational tool as well as thanostic art for the community to help better understand issues related to the death and bereavement experience. Often people think of their funeral home signage as merely a marketing item to help in identifying the location of the funeral home. In the past and yes even today the funeral home signage is a means of helping to teach the community at large about the attitude and services provided at the funeral home.

For example a depiction of nature such as a flower, leaf or stream can help the community understand that death is a part of nature. While a Personalized monogram of the funeral home can help generate the sense of long-term stability and personal service. Another example would be a helping hand that can convey the caring presence of a funeral home.

It is so important to know what your signage is saying to the community that passes by the sign all the time 24/7/365. It is not just the sign but also what is around it and how it is anchored to the ground. Signage art use was intended initially help those that could not read know what professional services were offered at a particular business location. Now a sign has much more meaning than ever before since it is not only for those with reading handicaps.

What does your sign say about YOUR funeral home?

Saying Goodbye To A Co-Worker

When a co-worker dies

I was saddened by the news that Walter Cronkite, one of the great contributors to journalism had died. He was an exceptional and honorable reporter, news anchor and honest friend to the world.

In reading about his funeral arrangements I learned that he will have a private funeral at St. Bartholomew’s Episcopal Church in New York City and then be buried in Missouri next to his wife. Cronkite seemed to want to balance things so there was always fairness. Even in death his desire for balanced fairness in having a time for personal mourning and public mourning is being reflected.

When a co-worker dies it is important for the professional / employment community to take time to join together to grieve the death and loss of one of their members. It is important that this be done as a community. Often co-workers will attend the personal funeral tribute a family will have for their parent / child / partner / spouse etc. This is an event this is important to attend. It is also important to have an event for those that worked along side the person who has died that is specific to the life the deceased had with their work community. This event does not have to be elaborate, just meaningful.

When reflecting upon it, a major portion of our day and life is involved with the profession / work we do. At least 8 hours a day if not more is assigned to our work. That is a third of every day. Often we spend more of our non-sleep hours with co-workers and work-tasks than we do within the confines of our personal relationships.

Frequently we develop strong professional bonds with our collogues and co-workers. They may be the first people we tell the good news of a promotion or raise with. They may be the ones we tell the bad news to when we have to work late AGAIN on a Friday night or all day Saturday to get a project out on time.

Keeping balance in both the professional work life and our personal lives is important throughout our life. It is also important to have that same balance as we grieve the death of a co-worker and collogue.

Until our next visit together ~ Enjoy Life!

Doc T

PS

I just found my Mom's old ID badge from when she worked at the Pentagon in Washington DC . It was way back when in 1959! I had a really beautiful Mom both physically and spiritually, may she have a beautiful eternity and always rest in peace.

Since we are talking about work related grief I thought I'd share a work ID badge. My Dad died while she was employed there at the Pentagon. I don't know what kind of support she received from co-workers after Dad died.

Dr. Terrie Modesto, PhD, CPT, CAC
Chief Thanatologist and Learning Officer

TEAR CenterWebsite: http://www.tearcenter.com/
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/theresemodesto
Personal website: http://www.drterriemodesto.com/

What touches life ~ Touches death.
T. Modesto


Cronkite to be Buried in Mo. after NYC Funeral
http://www.1010wins.com/pages/4830171.php?contentType=4&contentId=4368815

NEW YORK (AP) -- Walter Cronkite's final resting place will be next to his late wife in Missouri, where the two first met, his chief of staff said Saturday.

The 92-year-old former CBS anchorman died Friday at his Manhattan home of disease involving blood vessels in the brain, according to Marlene Adler, his longtime chief of staff.

A private funeral service was scheduled for Thursday at St. Bartholomew's Church. Adler said the Rev. William Tully will preside over the Episcopal service at the Park Avenue church, which the Cronkites attended for many years.

A memorial is to be held within the next month in Avery Fisher Hall at the Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts, Adler said.

"It will be a fitting tribute to Mr. Cronkite and the life he lived, the people he knew, the people who loved him and the people he admired," said Adler, who headed Cronkite's staff for the past 20 years.

The Committee to Protect Journalists, an organization that works to safeguard press freedoms worldwide, will post remembrances of Cronkite, an honorary co-chairman, on its blog.
"Whenever press freedom needed a champion, he was there," CPJ board chairman Paul Steiger said. "We will miss him."

Cronkite is to be cremated and his remains buried next to his wife, Betsy Cronkite, in the family plot at a cemetery in Kansas City.

In lieu of flowers, the family is requesting donations to the Walter and Betsy Cronkite Foundation through the AustinCommunityFoundation.org, which will distribute contributions to various charities the couple supported.

New trends in funeral homes ~

Community support with 'coffee-on-the-go'

For those of us over the age of 45, I remember when my local McDonald’s got their first drive-thru window. My elderly, widowed neighbor Mrs. Clare Woodruff (Miss Woodie as kids always affectionately called her) thought it was fantastic to go with her pound pup named Saddie to get a fish sandwich and large fries for lunch every Friday at 11:45AM. You could set your watch by it.

It was the only way Saddie her favorite dog could join her for lunch. Saddie got some of the fries and enjoyed seeing all the people as they sat in the parking lot together. Miss Woodie enjoyed the outing and the attention she got from all people making over her pup as she ordered their lunch. She thought out of the box to meet her and Saddie’s social needs. Miss Woodie was creative in how she met new people and got support after her husband died.

I wonder what Miss Woodie would think of Bowman Funeral Home (http://www.bowmanfh.ca/) in Chatham Ontario offering free coffee on Wednesdays for morning commuters. My hunch is she would approve whole heartedly. Who knows… she might have gone with Saddie for a cup of Joe! You got to admit it’s a creative community outreach. I must also add a much needed outreach.

Serving coffee as positive exposure to a funeral home when death has not occurred is very helpful to those that have death and funeral home anxiety or apprehension. Death is scary, so if there are ways to help reduce that negative perception – then all the better. Besides who can really pass up a really GOOD cup of coffee in the morning even when served from a funeral home to-go site?

The way we express our grief is changing rapidly and creatively. This new 21st century grief expression calls for the funeral home industry to rethink its way of LIVING in the community. Funeral homes need to be more ‘user-friendly’ to use a computer-based term.

Families and various loved ones are seeking personalized ways to express their grief. They want to feel connected to each other and to the site of the funeral ritual. At the Michael Jackson memorial, it was stated that the selection of the memorial venue was directly associated with the fact that only days earlier Michael Jackson was rehearsing his upcoming tour there. The more the positive association with the funeral site by the deceased or by the community membership, the more personal attachment there can be – thus more comfort.

From the earliest of times we know that personalization of grief expression reduces the pain, fear and anxiety that is often associated with death and bereavement rituals. Funeral homes can be great places for that to happen if done correctly.

Funeral homes are now called upon in the 21st century to be places for LIVING instead of just a place for the viewing and funeral ritualizing of the dead. Creative service based funeral homes can help celebrate life as well as help those that grieve to cope with life without their loved one physically present.

Funeral homes that are creative and adaptable to new social trends are much more likely to help families of the 21st century begin to process their grief and loss in healthy ways and meet their everyday life experiences. Offering a cup of coffee on the way to work and school is a great way to begin the relationship process that can help carry a family through the dark days of death and bereavement at some other point later in their lives. It’s not a marketing ploy but a statement of support: ‘If you care enough to offer me a cup of coffee, you will also care for me and my loved one when they die”.

Funeral homes need to stop thinking of them selves as only a place that treats the dead for burial and begin to reflect on how they are a major part of helping the local community live life beyond the death of a significant other. This is the greatest gift a funeral home can offer.

Historically, funeral homes were established as a way to help the mourners have a comfortable place to conduct their funeral ritualization and visitation as well as help reduce the ever increasing death associated anxiety in Western Society. Now the funeral home is called upon again to help families who are grieving to find new meaningful ways of exploring their issues of dying, death and grief.

Offering a cup of coffee to the local community as they drive to work or school is a great method for this funeral home to reach out in a positive way to their community. It’s a lot more personal than just supplying calendars stacked on a shelf in the back of a church for someone to pick up after worship.

Providing grief support services and education is another great way to help those dealing with death related issues personally and professionally. How the funeral home does this will all depend on their local community and individual situation.

I encourage all funeral homes to think not just ‘outside the box’ for marketing purposes but also ‘outside the casket’ of not only death care services but also serving the living long before and after a funeral is necessary.

Miss Woodie thought outside of the box in creating new and friendly ways to meet her widowhood social needs decades ago. Now Bowman Funeral Home has not only thought outside the box but outside the casket to reach out to their local community in a creative and friendly way. Such creative thinking has supportively touched not only their local community but has also taught the world village the importance of support presence beyond the death event.

My hat goes off to Bowman Funeral Home in Chatham Ontario who demonstrates an excellent example of great community out reach. Funeral service is much more than just death service - it is community service to the living. Bowman Funeral Home -- Thank you.


Until our next visit together ~ Enjoy Life!

Doc T

Dr. Terrie Modesto, PhD, CPT, CAC

Chief Thanatologist and Learning Officer

TEAR CenterWebsite:

http://www.tearcenter.com/

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/theresemodesto

Personal website: http://www.drterriemodesto.com/

What touches life ~ Touches death.
T. Modesto

Free coffee at funeral home drive-through
Published: July 2, 2009 at 11:57 AM
CHATHAM, Ontario

2009, July 2 (UPI) -- A Canadian funeral home in southwestern Ontario is taking a community-friendly trend further by offering free coffee to commuters at a drive-through window.
For the next nine weeks between 7 and 9 a.m. on Wednesdays, drivers can pull up to the window at the Bowman Funeral Home in Chatham for a free cup, the London (Ontario) Free Press reported Thursday.

Manager James MacNeil told the newspaper Wednesday's inaugural giveaway confused some commuters.

"They keep asking us what we are doing -- I just say 'no, really it is free coffee,'" he said. "We just want to reach out in a way that is not spooky or weird the way a funeral home can be."
Rick Ludwig, past-president of the Ontario Funeral Service Association, told the newspaper there is a growing trend of funeral homes becoming more active in communities in ways not associated with death.

Along those lines, MacNeil said his business is also a supporter of the Ontario Senior Games, which will be hosted by Chatham this year.
© 2009 United Press International, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/07/02/Free-coffee-at-funeral-home-drive-through/UPI-36151246550275/

Not always resting in peace –Cemetery abuse

It is a difficult, almost imaginable thing to think that our dearly departed loved ones we have held in our arms and hearts have been not only disturbed after burial but their physical remains desecrated like trash for the profit of a hundred plus new grave spaces. Instead of 40 pieces of silver for betrayal of a beloved teacher and friend, it is hundreds of thousands of dirty dollars slipped under the table in to the greedy pockets of possibly cemetery employees / representatives. It is revolting to even consider.

One of the most comforting aspects of a cemetery is that when a loved one dies we believe that we will always have them near us at the local cemetery and that their physical remains are safe and respected. We want to know beyond any doubt that they are resting in peace.

This is far form the situation tonight at Burr Oak cemetery in Alsip, Illinois. Not only are the remains of a hundred or more individuals buried in that cemetery been violated, but trust associated with the perpetual care service of a well established and highly honored cemetery has been violated.

Money and death often make people desperate. It is unfortunate that this combination has inflicted so much pain on so many families and loved ones as well as the community at large.

It doesn’t happen often thank goodness that such cemetery violations occur. When such violations do occur, the sense of loss can be intensely triggered for those directly and even indirectly affected by such situations. When a cemetery violation or other hazardous situation occurs, we as individuals realize that we can be fragile and taken advantage of even after death. We come face to face with the fact that we may not rest in peace happily ever after.

We also realize that we place a great deal of trust in the cemeteries to perpetually take care of our loved ones after we must walk away from their earthly remains on the day of burial. That trust is sacred. It is a great responsibility that a cemetery is entrusted with.

That great responsibility that a cemetery holds must be honored 24/7 365 days a year for all times. So often a cemetery gets busy with the numerous tasks of daily operation and the bigger picture of the sincere and intense trust that is placed in its hands by sorrowing loved ones is enormous.

Today we mourn not only for the loss of security that families and the Alsip Illinois community is experiencing at the violation that occurred at their cemetery. We also mourn that monetary greed and disrespect that was much more important than that of honoring the dead that are buried at Burr Oak Cemetery.

I commend those that have brought attention to this situation. It not only results in the disruption of such terrible violation but also helps to begin to reconstruct the integrity of the cemetery profession.

Dr. Terrie Modesto
www.drterriemodesto.com
www.tearcenter.com

Cemetery workers accused of digging up graves, reselling plots
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/07/09/illinois.cemetery.scheme/index.html
CHICAGO, Illinois (CNN) -- Employees at a historic African-American cemetery near Chicago allegedly dug up more than 100 graves as part of an off-the-books scheme to resell burial plots to unsuspecting customers, authorities said Wednesday.
Cook County authorities began investigating the cemetery about six weeks ago after receiving a call from the owners of Burr Oak Cemetery in Alsip, Illinois, located about 20 miles south of Chicago.
The owners had concerns about possible "illegalities going on" regarding finances at the business, said Sheriff Tom Dart.
"What we found was beyond startling and revolting," Dart told reporters at the cemetery.
The workers at Burr Oak, where lynching victim Emmett Till, blues legend Dinah Washington and some Negro League baseball players are buried among others, allegedly resold the plots, disinterred the bodies, dumped the remains and pocketed the cash, Dart said.
Most of the excavations occurred in back lots, where the plots were older and not frequently visited, he said. However, other plots may have been disturbed as well.
At least four people are in custody facing a slew of felony charges, authorities said. The current owners, who could not be reached by CNN for comment Wednesday, have run the place for more than five years, but are not believed to be involved, Dart said.
"We are sensitive to the fact that individuals have loved ones buried here and also the sensitivities as it pertains to this particular cemetery," Dart said. "This is the cemetery were Emmett Till is buried. Numerous other significant members of the African-American community are buried there as well."
He said authorities are "very confident" that the grave of Till, whose lynching at 14 helped spark the Civil Rights Movement, has not been disturbed.
Still, investigators are trying to determine the scope of the scheme and are faced with trying to track down the families of those whose graves were disinterred and those who, unbeknownst to them, purchased occupied plots, Dart said.
He said the workers may have doctored records to cover their tracks.
The FBI, expert forensic scientists and local funeral directors have been called in to help, he said.
"We cannot give people definitive answers at this point," Dart said. "Our biggest challenge right now is the attempt to bring peace of mind."

Building loving tributes

Read an interesting blog posting that came through my Google Alert this morning. It very clearly speaks to the pain and adjustments that one must face when there is a transition in life. In this case it is a person moving to another country.

One statement really stood out. The author states:

“I know full well that I will see them again, that with emails and web cams and digital photographs and a million other types of technology, no-one is anywhere that’s too far away these days. But it’s the relationship that has built over time, being there for important things in one another’s lives, being on hand to help and reassure, sharing jokes and stories…these are the day to day things which I’m afraid will fade over time and distance.” (See footnote below)

The impact that occurs when a person who we love and care for deeply dies results often in a loss not only of the person but the interactions that go along with that person in our life. This makes the loss even more intense.

Over this past weekend I visited a dear friend and her mother. We were celebrating her mom’s 81st birthday. I brought along my camcorder and taped several of her fond memories about her early life. The ‘birthday gal’ didn’t realize at first that I wanted to hold on to those special memories. When she realized that I was taping her recollections, she was pleased and delighted that I cared enough to capture those memories for the future. She was touched that she will be remembered and that I wanted to keep them treasured for my lifetime.

One of the greatest fears we as humans often have is that we are afraid that we will not be remembered, that our life will become dust and blow away into nothing. It’s an honest issue for each of us to face. Some have gone to extensive expense to be remembered by endowing libraries and other institutions as well as delighted that perhaps we have a street named after us in our hometown etc.

For those who grieve it is also comforting to have those memories and physical identifications to help us stay connected to our loved one who has died. Many who are grieving the death of Michael Jackson for example are finding comfort in being close to his Hollywood star on a busy street in California. Just being close to the granite tribute etched in concrete is a way to stay a bit closer to their famous entertainer who has died so young in life.

The best tributes we can give to some one is to find creative ways to help them be long remembered after they have died. This week I strongly encourage you to try to find one to help one person be remembered beyond the current moment. It doesn’t have to be big or in-you-face sort of hype. It can mean finding a way to start to collect those live-on memories and tributes of the people that are in our lives.

These tributes may be for those that are still living by taking pictures and videoing their memories. For those that have died, their memory is still important to us and need to be cherish and treasured as well.

Blog referenced
What’s it all about again?
http://becca.essentialwriters.com/2009/07/05/i-cant-stand-losing/

“Be of love and life a little more careful than of everything.”

2 ways to live – 2 ways to die

I was struck by this excellent commentary by Peter Bregman. His insights into how different people live their lives and the way they die really struck me. I’ve heard it say often that the way you live is the way you will die also.

I don’t know if that is exactly correct but I think it has a great deal to do with the way we live the last portions of our lives. Dying and death are not totally different things from that a living really. It is a continuation of how we express ourselves every moment of our life including our dying experience.

I was struck at the funeral coverage for Farrah Fawcett. There was a lot of ceremony, religious ritual and loads of friends and family there to say goodby.

Yet even though Farrah Fawcett had been on many if not most bedroom walls or and school locker doors of young boys in 1976 and the envy of many a young gal of that time period. There was no pin-up celebrity status hype of this beautiful woman at the end.

Instead it was her personal beauty of self that so many are now admiring. It is no longer about hair or that sexy to-die for body in a swim suit. It is now about a woman who died adorned with character, integrity and inner strength to face all of life’s struggles from that of cancer to a son in jail. She did it with her best grace and dignity.

Both her only son and her companion – life partner of 20 years helped to carry her those last steps of her journey on the surface of this earth. With all the riches and privileges that stardom can offer, it seems to me that the best gift we have in the end is our integrity, selfhood and the love and affection of those special to us as we take those final moments to our eternal resting place.

I don’t know what all will be the funeral ceremony for Michael Jackson. My hunch is that it will be much different than that of Farrah Fawcett.

Two very different people – two very different causes of death. But both unfortunately eaten up by two different kinds of cancer. Farrah Fawcett’s cancer was anal cancer. Michael Jackson’s cancer was emotional ‘grander than life cancer.’

We have come to learn both can be painful killers.

It is not enough for us to read the obituary and then turn the page of our lives onto something else. Many will do that but for the few I hope we will take some time as part of our tribute to these very talented people to reflect on how we want to live our lives so we may also have the sort of final farewell that will be reflected on the type of life we want to be remembered for.

“Be of love and life a little more careful than of everything.”

Until our next visit together ~ Enjoy Life!

Doc T

Dr. Terrie Modesto

Chief Thanatologist and Learning Officer
TEAR Center

Website: http://www.tearcenter.com/
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/theresemodesto
Personal website: www.drterriemodesto.com

Commentary: Why we grieve for Michael, Farrah

By Peter Bregman Special to CNN
Editor's note: Peter Bregman is chief executive of Bregman Partners Inc., a global management consulting firm, and the author of "Point B: A Short Guide to Leading a Big Change". He writes a weekly column, How We Work, for HarvardBusiness.org.

NEW YORK (CNN) -- Last Thursday my wife, Eleanor, flew to Houston, Texas, to see her grandmother, Nana, who had just suffered a debilitating stroke.
Nana is 93 years old with few friends left. As she lay in a hospital bed barely able to speak, family members gathered around her to tell her they love her and to say goodbye.
Saying goodbye to a loved one is an intensely personal and emotional moment. The memories of time spent together linger as we feel the love, the sadness, the loss.
The same day Eleanor gathered with her family, people around the world gathered -- in person and online -- to say goodbye to two outsized public figures to whom they felt connected: Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett.
Michael Jackson brought us closer to life itself. We sang with him, danced with him and were amazed by his youthful exuberance and musical talent. He was the original; I still remember watching "Billie Jean" on MTV thinking, "Maybe there is something to this music video thing." He sold over 800 million albums and "Thriller" is still the No. 1 selling album of all time. He was a young man with extraordinary talent.
We loved him as a young man because he remained real, with his personality shining through his music. But then something happened. As he grew up, he grew away. From himself and from us. We lost touch with his humanness, his personality, his vulnerability. And when we couldn't see that, we couldn't see him.
A few years ago, Anthony Robbins, a motivational speaker who teaches about success in relationships, got divorced. People wondered if this would be the end of his career. Would his audiences abandon him when they found out? After all, how good was his advice if he couldn't hold together his own marriage? But when he spoke publicly about his divorce, people were amazingly supportive of him. The divorce, his failures, his vulnerabilities, didn't diminish him. They made him human.
Don't Miss
Commentary: When the white glove waved
Commentary: Michael Jackson, the greatest
In Depth: Commentaries
We can't identify with perfection. We can admire it from afar, maybe aspire to it. But we can't relate to it because we know, deep down, that we ourselves are flawed. So we trust others who recognize that about themselves, too.
Michael Jackson's tragedy was the second half of his life -- when he hid behind surgery and the high walls of Neverland. Of course, trying to cover up his vulnerability was itself a vulnerability. But, in hiding, he lost himself. And so we lost him, too.
That is the exact opposite of what Farrah Fawcett did. In the depths of a horrible, potentially embarrassing illness, Farrah Fawcett came out of hiding. When most of us would shoo the cameras away, she invited us in. She let us see her pain and suffering and fear and sadness. She let us see her self.
So many of us fell in love with her all over again. Not for her youthful beauty or her perfection or because she represented some ideal to which we aspired. No, we fell in love with her because we saw the real her. The raw, uncut, painful her. And in her, we saw ourselves. We fell in love with her because we identified with her.
Farrah's youthful beauty transformed through illness and suffering is a dark reminder of the inevitable progression of life, a reminder that we usually try to avoid. She herself tried to avoid aging for a while, with face-lifts and botox. And in her pursuit to retain her perfection, she began to lose us. But then she got real and reached out and we reached back. We reached back because of her vulnerability, not despite it.
Between my starting this article and finishing the final draft, Eleanor's grandmother Nana died. Death is one of the few times in life when something is irrevocably taken from us.
It's impossible to go back and relive the period of our lives when she was with us, when she was younger, when we were younger. Time moves only in one direction. And with her passing we are reminded of a time that has passed in our own lives, of moments we will never relive.
It's a little bit like that with Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett.
We feel something deep for them too. Because they, too, touched our lives and changed us. They inspired us, excited us, empowered us. They lived with us. And with their passing, we are reminded of a part of our lives that is gone forever.

6 Beliefs For Not Speaking Bad About The Dead

Why People Don’t Want To Bad-Mouth The Dead

I was asked on social networking group that I belong to how come there is the tradition to not speak negatively about the dead. Thought it was a great question. So here is my reply:

Not speaking bad about the dead comes from several things.

First: It is felt that since the person is dead they can not defend themselves so it is not 'fair' to talk negatively about them.

Second: It is an emotional manipulation of projection. This means that if we can develop a standard that we do not talk bad about the other person that is now dead then when it is our turn to be dead no one will talk bad about us.

Third: It is the mythology that the ghost or spirit will com back and mistreat or haunt the living if the ghost or spirit does not like how their memory is be shared.

Fourth: From a bereavement perspective there is so much that is going on emotionally for the loved ones of the deceased that we try to push as much negative stuff about the pain of the death out of our mind as much as possible. That is one of the reasons we are so intent on using euphemisms about death such as sleeping, resting in peace, taken home, etc. It is the mourner’s way of initial coping with the reality and concept that the person is gone for good and will not return. It is a harsh reality to recognize that a person has died and we wil not see them again in this lifetime or ever depending on one's belief system. Such an acknowledgement is extremely painful and difficult to deal with.

Fifth: As a person continues through the life long process of grief ( which is much different than mourning and bereavement) the person must deal realistically with the positive side of the person as well as the negative side of the person. This often comes later in the grief process. Yet the reflection process of who the deceased was in the life and memory of those who grieve is started at the viewing / wake for the person with the story telling. Often the initial stories are very light and extremely holy/hole-filled meaning hat the deceased is portrayed as a saint and there are a lot of holes in the story of this person's life. Later the sinner side or the negative holes are examined more closely.

Sixth: Many of those that are supporting the immediate family and loved ones do not want to upset them with reminders of the more difficult side of the person. Most supporters really don’t feel comfortable with the whole issue of death so they will do all they can to make themselves feel better. This is done by treading lightly on the topic of the life and character of the person that has died. The supporters really don’t want to get into the mix of it about what this person was really like and who they really were. This again goes back to death avoidance and grief avoidance.

Hope you find these thoughts of interest. I would like to learn your thoughts as well.

Until our next visit together ~ Enjoy Life!
Doc T

Dr. Terrie Modesto
Chief Thanatologist and Learning Officer TEAR Center
Website: www.tearcenter.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/theresemodesto

Issues facing the funeral home of today and tomorrow

A collogue of mine named Dan Katz and I have been discussing the changes facing the funeral industry. In one of our LinkedIn conversations he wrote:

“In some ways the funeral industry is undergoing rather radical changes (online memorials, green funerals, etc.) and in other ways it remains the same.” He later wrote: “By the way, I saw your blog. A great start. One of the issues you may want to address is the sensitivity to how various cultures exhibit grief. We are becoming such a diverse society made up of anglos, blacks, Vietnamese, Koreans, Iranians, South Americans, etc., and each group demonstrates their grief differently, from somber quiet to keening and wailing, and what may be disturbing to some is quite normal to others.”

So this is what I wrote back:

I agree with you so much about the local family owned funeral home and the radical change that is facing the thanostic industry…

With cremation on the rise at such a rapid rate influenced even more so by the current economic downturn, funeral homes are and will be finding themselves scrambling to redefine themselves and their services in the decades ahead. This is on top of what you accurately pointed out as multi-cultural grief from the blending of the diverse cultures. This cultural blending that we as a country and as a world are experiencing is much more intense and expansive than the transformational experience of the late 19th and early 20th century immigration.

This time the immigration is originating many different areas far from our shores and cultural experiences than before. In the past it was a large European migration to the US with some percentage of Asian immigration. This time the immigration both legal and illegal entry is vast in its multi-continental configuration compounded by the ease of transportation. All of these issues and realities call for adjustments and adaption of various traditions and grief expressions are even more intense.

This immigration will affect how we as a country and world express funeral ritualization, pubic demarcation of grief and address bereavement issues. The only advice I have for the funeral industry is that we all better become more versed in the various cultureal expressions of mourning (the first experiences after a death of a significant person in lour life), bereavement (the extended period of adjustment that occurs after a death) and grief (the life-long recovery process and impact that a death has on a person’s life).

The experience of Michael Jackson’s death is an example of this. The spontaneous public demarcation of mourning in so many different cultures is remarkable. It is also interesting to note that the speed of the news of his death and the immediate expression of grief is so rapid thanks to twitter, Facebook, and the internet in general. Cultural expression is no longer jsut about where you were born and the ethnic expressions established by a particular countryor region. Now the cultural expressionsof mourning, bereavement, greif and loss wil also need to include the cyber village and culture as well. All of this will also impact the local funeral home on Main Street in Anywhere USA or Anywhere WORLD and yes even Anywhere CYBER.

We are only now seeing the very infancy of the impact that technology, the Internet and Social Networking will have on all things death dying bereavement grief. The potential and even the current trends in bereavement expression reflected by these communication mediums are staggering – the future is mind blowing.

I believe that NFDA and ICCFA will continue to have an impact on the local funeral industry but I think that social networking and companies that are part of the thanatological industries beyond the local funeral home will also have a major influence on how the local independent funeral home does business also.

I appreciate my conversations with Dan Katz. He is a very insightful person especially concerning funeral industry issues. You may also want to check out his blog at: http://www.funeraladvertising.wordpress.com/

Bereavement needs go beyond emotional support -

Practical Aftercare Education Needed

In our care for those that are affected by the death of a loved one especially a spouse or partner many in the thanatological after service care focus on the emotional affects of loss. However to due justice and to be of the greatest help to those that grieve many of the Bereavement After Care programs need to include a very strong financial education program for the bereaved. Most After Care Programs that I come in contact with do not address these and similar issues enough if at all.

This is a very difficult and frail time for many who are bereaved. It is difficult for them to even put one foot in front of another much less deal with the financial issues that often affect those newly impacted by death. Often the most practicle issues of daily living after a death are not address routinely as they need to be.

In the past many families would chip in and help not only with the physical assistance of helping clean out closets and pack up belongings to give to those assigned. But it was also the wisdom of experience from numerous deaths that sage helpers could give the newly bereaved within the family.

With families more spread out throughout the country and world even, the chance of this sort of in-depth support is fading fast for many baby-boomers in particular. After the funeral or memorial service there is less and less practical support given for those that grieve.

In the past there were at least three days of mourning where people gathered, strategies were worked out at the funeral home during the visitation to see how everyone could not only support the immediate grievers through the funeral and burial but for the intermediate phase of grief within the first six months of a death. This sort of support occurs less frequently now with busy schedules and people geographically farther apart.

With the increase of popularity of cremation and the potential of postponement of the memorial rituals the chance of practical support for the immediate grievers wanes significantly. Often memorial rituals will be weeks to even months after the death of a person. In the meantime many practical issues must be faced and dealt with. Often the immediate grievers must face these decisions with less knowledge, support and guidance from others when it is most needed.

Often we in bereavement care give workshops on coping with the emotional issues of grief – and we should and MUST do that. But that is only one portion of the pie we also need to be offering. There is a slew of practical support workshops that I don’t see offered very often that need to be given. Thee hands-on rubber hits the road specific topic workshops really need to be offered MONTHLY.

Some of these workshops include:

* Financial impact from death?
* How to deal with estate issues beyond the Last Will & Testament?
* What to do with the deceased loved one’s belongings?
* The virtual side of the deceased – what to do with the internet / cyber life of the deceased?
* What to do with Fido when a pet owner dies?

I say this while also knowing that many Bereavement Aftercare Programs are stretched to the maximum already with few staff to deal with all the pressing issues that approach the caring staff. Too much to do and too little time to do it all in is the daily experience of all Bereavement Aftercare Programs.

This is where the TEAR Center can be a great help. The TEAR Center has a number of courses that are available in a webinar context to help the newly bereaved deal with perplexities of issues after a death of a loved one.

By having webinars that address thee practical issues the TEAR Center frees up the on-site staff to address the emotionally pressing issues that no webinar could ever come close to personally assisting with. This helps the Bereavement aftercare Staff maximize their time and services while also providing topic quality informational services to those in need.

The online webinars are also a great way to help those that are grieving to receive the information they need at times that bet suite their schedules. These webinars can be accessed from the comfort and privacy of their own home when it is best for them. Distance learning is available for in a sensitive and comforting manner without all the additional draining effort of arranging schedules to meet the Bereavement aftercare agency schedule.

For more information on these educational webinars, please contact Dr. Terrie Modesto, chief Thanatologist and Learning Officer at the TEAR Center http://www.tearcenter.com/

An excellent article on this as support is:

Fallout For Bereaved. ScienceDaily. Retrieved June 28, 2009, from http://www.sciencedaily.com­ /releases/2009/06/090621143219.htm

Economic Crisis Heightens Financial Fallout For Bereaved

ScienceDaily (June 21, 2009) — One in five people fall below the official poverty line following the death of their partner. "Hence the recent fall in the value of annuities, savings and investments means an even wider group of older people could face financial difficulties when their partner dies, whether these difficulties are short-lived or longer lasting," says researcher Anne Corden of the Social Policy Research Unit, University of York.

People, whose partners had been in paid work, reported the largest income falls, mainly affecting those under pension age. Women with or without children were more at risk of financial decline than men and two in five women pensioners were in poverty immediately after bereavement. While some of these experiences of poverty were short-lived, bereaved women were more likely to experience poverty lasting up to three years after the death. The number of women feeling financially worse off doubled from 24 per cent to 48 per cent. Comparable figures for men were 19 and 30 per cent respectively.

Based on its exploration of a wide range of economic, administrative, emotional, and psychological issues following the death of a partner, the study highlights the need for:

Better awareness of financial issues

Findings highlighted the financial consequences of the failure to make a will and the mistaken belief that 'common law marriage' provides legal rights.
"Many people still put off thinking about their will or their finances until they are older and by then, for some, it is too late," Corden points out.

The study highlights the importance of financial awareness within the general population.

The need to make financial preparations and decisions as a couple during earlier stages of their life together.

Easing adjustment to loss

Grief has economic elements which impact on the grieving process and adjustment to loss. Managing money, and taking on new economic roles was hard for some bereaved people.

The study suggests that raising financial awareness should include planning and preparation for death.

Government, employers and unions have opportunities to provide information at various key points during a person's life.

Reducing administrative and regulatory burdens

Researchers found that the administrative requirements related to financial transitions caused a considerable practical and emotional burden.
Most people had to deal with diverse administrative and regulatory bodies. The volume of work required, delays, errors and problems in communication were widely experienced as an overwhelming burden.

Researchers highlight the need of processes to help people find information they need quicker, staff with skills for dealing with people in grief, and data sharing to reduce documentation required, would increase business efficiency as well as trust and compliance among service users.

Counselling support for 'economic components' of grief

Supporting bereaved people who want to share feelings about their financial situation and new economic roles may ease adjustment to their loss.

Findings suggest that while it is not the role of bereavement counselling services to provide expertise in all the administrative and financial aspects of bereavement, they would benefit from greater awareness of the emotional impact of changed financial circumstances on the bereaved person.

Financial support for the bereaved

Immediate financial demands facing bereaved people included paying for the funeral and housing costs including changes in home ownership and tenancy.
After a death, information and advice about benefits, pensions and tax, as well as support in accessing financial services help people avoid financial hardship.

Researchers suggest that when policymakers review financial support for bereaved people, there should be thorough examination of entitlement, take-up and impact of bereavement benefits and social fund funeral expenses payments, and people's perceptions of these payments.
Researchers conclude that some financial difficulties following death of a partner can be prevented; others can be avoided. Policymaking must address the immediate circumstances of people experiencing bereavement. In the long term, enabling people to sustain paid employment throughout their working lives, occupational and private pensions, will help ensure an acceptable standard of living in retirement and protect people whose partner has died from financial hardship and economic decline.

Welcome to All things death dying bereavement grief

Hello and Welcome To
All Things Death Dying Bereavement Grief

Not a day goes by that there is not something that affects our lives that also deals with death. I know most of us don’t like to think too much if at all on death dying bereavement and grief. There are so many more enjoyable things in life to think about. Yet what touches life also touches death at some point.

As a Thanatologist ( ‘thana’ comes from the Greek word ‘thanos’ and + ‘olgist’ which means a person that seriously studies something) I study and teach on the various subjects related to death, dying, bereavement and grief. Frankly it is not a topic that most people are just ‘dying’ to learn about (Pun accepted).

True, death related subjects (thanatological topics) are not always easy to deal with and certainly there are times for all of us that they are down right uncomfortable to consider. But death is a part of life and living.

However not all death, dying, bereavement and grief topics are depressing or even sad. Some of the most beautiful pieces of art (known as Thanostic Art) are the result of death and grief.

The photo that is attached to this blog is a tombstone foiling I did a number of years ago. The craft skill that went into the engraving of this stone back in the 18th century in New England is outstanding. It took considerable time and effort to create this piece of art. Today it stands silent as a tribute of love in a quite cemetery few visit. The desire of loved ones to ensure that their deceased significant other is remembered in a beautiful way is touching and so honoring.

This is just one example of what we will be looking at and sharing on a regular basis. Examples of thanostic expression are more than this blog or frankly any blog can ever document. But let's try. Please fel free to submit your favorites.

Of course all contributions are appreciated and will be screened as appropriate for publication. I’m open-minded but sensitivity decorum will be held at a high level also. This is intended as a serious and honorable thanostic related site, so please let’s keep it that way.

We will look at death from the historical and literary perspective as well as from current events, grief issues and dying and bereavement caregiving. Regularly I’ll offer commentary on articles and news events of the day as well as offer tidbits of knowledge and information that I have gathered over the years.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and wisdom. No one is without wisdom when it comes to death dying bereavement grief.

Often you may find that I will be referring to the NewDeath Group. No there is no such thing as ‘new death’ but there is a fantastic and highly interesting Yahoo Group called NewDeath Group Investigative Newsgroup called (http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/NewDeathGroup/) I strongly encourage you to check it out often. The members are well informed and diverse in their thanostic (death related) areas of interest, curiosity and specialization and above all a highly welcoming collection of friendly individuals.

A companion group to the NewDeath Group is the NewDeath Group Prose. This is where a lot of interesting thanostic literature such as death poetry, reflections and other death and bereavement related literature is shared. For those who enjoy and find it helpful to write about death related issues in a literary manner this is the site for you.

Please let me know your interests in these subject areas. The greatest fear that I have is that no one will read it. So please submit your questions, thoguths and ideas.

Oh by the way you will see four things about me in this blog which are:

1- Inclusivity of language (I only want to exclude exclusion in my language and life appreciation)

2- I will use frequently thanatological language / terms. Now after so many years it just comes so natural to me. I’ll do all I can to add definitions when appropriate. I’ll also in the near future start a glossary of terms if that is of some help. Feel free to add suggestions to the list as well as to remind me (gently) that I have not defined a thanostic term.

3- I love creativity, love of life, humor and respect of all of creation. So feel free to join in that creativity, humor (yes there is even thanostic humor) and of course always respectful. We may not always see eye to eye but please let us always see heart to heart.

4- I have severe dyslexia as well as busy being the Chief Thanatologist and Learning Officer of the TEAR Center (www.tearcenter.com) so upfront there may be times when the spelling will be shall we say ‘creative’ if not flat out incorrect. There will also be occasions when the grammar may not be 100% since I might not have time to triple check the proof-reading. Hey this is a blog not one of my published books! (Grin). So please look beyond any mistakes and appreciate the intention of sharing what I know with you.

In the meantime until our next visit together ~ Enjoy Life.! Doc T

Dr. Terrie Modesto
Chief Thanatologist and Learning Officer
TEAR Center
www.tearcenter.com